Dear Blog,
So I finally decided to take my writing on-line. For those of you who know me, I have kept a journal since the beginning of my sophomore year of college. These journals were often free-writing allowing me to express whatever I felt like. Sometimes I would write about my experiences, other times I would write short stories about some girl who used to collect shells and sell them on the shores of some made up country. Other times I would write about non-fiction topics like a piece on how to spot liars or how the brain processes thought. However, the purpose of this blog is to inform and educate people and encourage others to take action. I shall start off with a skill I think is increasingly important on helping others.
Communication. This cannot be overlooked. I think throughout my time at college as I was constantly fine-tuning my communication skills. I was talking to kids my own age, talking to professors with varied experiences and administrators whose professional careers have almost always been academia (I apologize in advance for this generalization). I think that most of my communicative growth was just a natural response of my ENFP, type 1 personality and my time at college. However, this is not entirely true. Communication can definitely be learned. It just so happens that college is amazing for learning because it brings people together from such varied backgrounds.
Being able to relate to people of every different creed, race, height, and ethnicity is important in our ever increasingly complex world. As the world shrinks languages, cross-cultural communication, and weak ties are vital to achieving social change.
So how can we be better communicators? How can we speak to people on their level? Here are a few pointers I think could help.
A) Listen.
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this. Before formulating what you want to say during the other persons’ senten.. – don’t. Just don’t formulate what you want to say, don’t react. This is particularly difficult for me because I love to chat and relate so much. To sharpen this skill of listening, sometimes at work I simply do not say anything during a conversation unless directly asked a question. I soak up as many details as I can and then try to recall them a few minutes later.
B) Pay attention to non-verbal cues that you send.
I think that people are inherently good at reading others. We tend to mimic others that we like. We might mimic a new acquaintance we really like at the bowling alley (since everyone goes bowling now a days) or turn away from the person who is uncomfortably staring at us. We often communicate non-verbally what we are thinking and other people know what you are saying even before you say it. I’ve even heard that married couples start to look like each other after three or so decades. They like each other so much that they end up looking like their better half! That’s pretty crazy. Any who, all of this is to say make sure to pay attention to your body language. The next conversation you have pay attention to the non-verbal communication that’s going on and see if any of it bothers you are comforts you.
C) Take advantage of weak ties and acquaintances.
We are what we consistently do. To become better communicators we need to be social. Try and meet two new people a week. What does meeting a new person look like?
- Smile at the person standing next to you in line at Starbucks. Comment about the coffee /water/juice/your favorite barista/how you’re broke (maybe not the last one).
- Instead of plugging in your Ipod on the metro (which signals you aren’t interested in talking) comment on the weather to the person next to you. Strike up a conversation on the most recent Arab Spring/financial crisis/book you read. Notice your body language when sitting beside someone and when you are sitting across from someone.
- Make eye contact! Making eye contact is so important in meeting new people. When I work on my eye-contacting skills (I call it a skill because it is) I try various things. I try visualizing a triangle from their left eye-right eye-forehead or an upside down triangle from right eye-left eye-mouth. I always had a problem doing the thousand mile stare through people. Lots of tiny movements with your eyes helps smooth the facial recognition out.
Now how does implementing any of these ideas make you a glocal citizen? By getting socially involved in your community. That acquaintance at work? Invite them to church/temple/mosque/book club/hang out with friends. A group setting takes the edge off the social pressure. The person you chatted with at Starbucks? Ask if they’d like to join you at the yoga studio or weekly volleyball game you go to. In the end the more people that we touch in our everyday lives, the greater our social network, and the greater our social network the better we are at solving social problems ( I know these are loosely correlated but just bare with me). So get out there and try something new! Meet someone new! Do something new! We’ll all be the better.
